I am currently 35 years old – yay! I have learned to see each birthday as a blessing and not a shameful thing. So, I have no problems declaring my true age. I have also learned to ignore society’s ideals about what I should have accomplished at my age. Instead, I have resolved to delight in the Lord for every day that He grants me on this earth. Daddy Jesus gave me the inspiration for this topic, and so I am going to share my insights. Now let’s look at the top 10 things I wish I knew in my 20s!
1. Consult Jesus Christ on All Decisions
I used to think that I could live for Jesus in a vacuum. I had compartments to my life and I was vigilant to ensure that Jesus only had access to the clearly spiritual sections. But, Jesus Christ will not be contained. He wants my whole life. He wants your whole life. Everything: He wants it all!
I thought that I was doing a wonderful job of mapping out my life. I once believed that Jesus Christ was all about fulfilling my bucket list of important things that I wanted to accomplish. However, the Lord changed my outlook in this matter through a series of turbulent, life-altering events.1
Now, I know better. I seek Jesus’ counsel for every decision that I take. Do I mess up sometimes and run ahead without His guidance? Yes. But, the Lord is merciful as He always calls out to me to stop in my tracks. Although it’s painful to retrace my steps, I find it’s always best to live in His perfect will.
2. People Will Come and Go
This was one of the things I wish I knew in my 20s. It was a painful lesson to learn as I struggled with rejection. Even though I seemed aloof, I still wanted to be liked by everyone I met. I thought that if I was good to a person, then he/she should reciprocate. But, I had to learn that each person I encounter has a distinct purpose. I’ve learned the principle that people are in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. So, I don’t cling to anyone anymore.
Learning this lesson also helps me to deal with my grief over loved ones I have lost. Although I feel the pain and I wish that they were here, it was not to be. Instead, I choose to treasure the memories I created with them and accept the fact that they’re gone. For those who accepted Jesus Christ in their lifetime, I have the assurance that I will see them once more in heaven. People come and go. The only constant that I have in this life is Jesus Christ Himself.
3. Bad and Good Times Are Temporary
I have the tendency to “awful-ize” situations, and I was a nervous wreck in my 20s. I dreaded the bad times and by the same token, I couldn’t fully live in, and enjoy the good times. Therefore, I swung between being paranoid that something bad was about to happen, and being terrorized by bad times.
I didn’t enjoy any peace because I felt like I had to be in control of every aspect of my life. My inner planner wanted to live on a constant level, a perfect trend line with no fluctuations. Changes scared me. Disruptions were tantamount to an assault on all my senses. What happened? More changes and more disruptions! This is because Jesus wanted me to realize that my hope is in Him alone. The seismic shifts in my life are not meant to kill me. These highs and lows serve to build my character, deepen my faith in Him, and help me be more appreciative of all my blessings.
Comforting Scriptures for the Bad Times
As I go through my bad times, I am comforted by the following scriptures:
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
But the Lord delivers him out of them all.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
So, whenever that old version of me that tends to “awful-ize” every event rears her head, I put her to rest with the Word of God. I am gentle, but firm in reminding her that Jesus Christ has everything in control.
4. You Can’t Force Anyone – Not Even For Their Own Good
If you love someone and want the best for them, they should want it too right? Wrong! This was one of the things I wish I knew in my 20s. I had many situations with family members and close friends where I wanted the best for them – sometimes more than they desired. I was determined to go all out to get these persons to the next level. But, they weren’t as committed to their development as I was. What was the result? Burnout! I would exhaust myself in every way for such individuals. Then, I would often get angry with them. Why couldn’t they see that I just want the best for them? Why can’t they take their lives seriously?
Now, I am older and wiser. Do I sometimes slip back into this mode? Yes. But, now I can hear the Spirit of God more clearly telling me to pull back. And so I stop and remove myself from such detrimental activities. My mother would always share a proverb with me:
You can lead a horse to the water, but you can’t force it to drink.
Before I jump in, I now assess the person to see if he/she is sufficiently invested in his/her own development. I have come to realize that I am nobody’s saviour, because Jesus Christ is the only Saviour. It’s also true that I am not the Holy Spirit, so I cannot give people directions for their lives. Now, I point everyone to a closer personal relationship with Jesus Christ where they can get on-demand, 24/7/12/366 guidance from Him. I still help, but only as I’m lead by the Spirit of God. I find that this works perfectly for me and everyone else.
5. Be Nice!
When I was younger I was like the Pharisees and Sadducees of Jesus’ day. I came to Christ at the age of ten and grew up in the church. My church was ultra-conservative, and while it helped to corral me from youthful excesses, it had the unintentional side-effect of making me feel morally superior. I was on the side of “right”, which was based on the Word of God, but heavily influenced by the dogma and traditions of men. I had no concept of speaking the truth in love. As far as I was concerned, we shouldn’t care about people’s feelings as long as we were speaking the truth.
My Turning Point
What broke this perspective that I had on life? Two things did the job. First, I found myself needing the grace that I hadn’t given before. When you fall short of the standards that you once firmly defended, then you begin to see life differently. When Jesus Christ extends His forgiveness and grace to you, then you learn the true meaning of compassion. The second thing was that I began to study the Word of God on my own. The more I read of the Word, the more the Spirit of God revealed His uncorrupted truth, deep love, and unending mercies to me.
I also learned that it doesn’t cost anything to be nice. This is one of the things I wish I knew in my 20s. Now that I’m in my 30s, I am a kinder, softer version of myself. I empathize more frequently and my heart’s posture has moved from the need to be “right” to one of love and compassion. The Holy Spirit also convicts me whenever I am unkind, so I try to quickly say sorry and repent every time. So, be nice. Resolve to live out all dimensions of the fruit of the Spirit:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
6. Make Peace with Yourself
Another of the things I wish I knew in my 20s is just how essential it is to make peace with myself. I have made mistakes in life and I had to seek the Lord’s forgiveness. But then, the devil would get me to rehash events, regret repeatedly, and live in a place of fear and torment. However, I have learned the meaning of God’s forgiveness. Once Jesus forgives me, He wipes the slate completely clean, like I never did anything at all. I have learned how to make peace with myself, my past, and my current reality. I love this verse:
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
Peace is so important. When I asked the Lord to lead me in creating the signature for this blog and my YouTube channel, peace was one of the components that He gave me. While we all want the blessings of the Lord, we also need His peace that surpasses our finite human understanding. When we are at peace, then we can hear our Father, Jesus Christ speaking to us. We cannot live in His perfect will without being able to hear and follow His instructions to us. I thank Him for His peace that He has given me:
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
7. Know Your God-Given Vision and Missions
When you live from a place of divine peace, you will begin to walk in God-given wisdom. This is one of the things I wish I knew in my 20s. I used to live life on my terms, doing what I thought was good. But then I discovered that Jesus Christ actually has a unique, customized plan, a blueprint for each of us. This blueprint is our divinely appointed purpose or vision. Each of us has a special vision, our “Why”, the reason for our existence here on earth. In order for this vision to manifest, Daddy Jesus also assigns us missions that move us closer to the fulfilment of this vision. Each mission requires us to know “When” we should perform it, “How” we should do so, and “Who” we need to work with to bring it to fruition.
I wasted my 20s living in ignorance of my divine vision and missions. However, I now live within my God-given purpose. I am committed to steadily working at accomplishing each of my divinely-appointed missions so that Daddy Jesus’ vision for my life will manifest. I can tell you that my life is far less stressful and I experience more peace as I abide and walk in His blessed will for my life.
8. You Can’t Change a Man
Oh boy! This is one of the things I wish I knew in my 20s! I would have avoided so many hassles, angst, and heartbreaks. I had my personal list of preferences which included a hazy requirement for a man to be “God-fearing”. As a result, my own actions brought me guys who knew of Jesus, but weren’t really into the “Jesus thing”.
So, I clearly have had my share of missionary dating. Bad idea! Terrible idea! I can tell every young lady (and young man): Don’t do it! It’s just not worth it to live in daily conflict with your godly values just because you don’t want to be alone and you want to choose your partner. Instead of you to bring them to Jesus Christ; they are more likely to pull you out of the will of God and into a life of sin and lost glory. We all know the scripture:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
This Matter of ‘Potential’ and the Alignment of Visions
Let’s talk about not being able to change a man. I have a history of trying to see the ‘potential’ in prospective suitors. I try to think the best of everyone, I want everyone to have a strong relationship with Jesus Christ, and also live out their divine vision and missions to His glory. The problem is that while everyone has potential, everyone is not committed to doing all that it takes to move from potential to reality. I had to discover this fact the hard way. Now, I no longer follow the “Build-a-Man” mentality because I do not want to open a toy manufacturing business!
Please note that I do not expect my future husband to have it all. However, he must be actively working to fulfil his divine vision. It is not my place to give my husband his vision. That’s Jesus’ role and my husband’s responsibility to seek Christ in order to discover his vision. I am my husband’s helpmeet. In order for me to help him, it means that he has to be actively working at accomplishing his vision, so that I can help him in the process. So, I don’t just look at potential anymore, I also look to see what work is being done.
I recently came to another glaring revelation. It is not just enough for a man to be a committed Christian, who has the same faith and follows the same godly values as I do. It is possible to be unequally yoked with a fellow Christian. In my case, I know that it is vital that we have vision and missions that can be aligned. I have learned that my marriage is not just for us (myself and my future husband). My marriage is designated to accomplish Kingdom missions to the glory of Jesus Christ.
9. Love Yourself
I recently shared my testimony of overcoming suicidal ideations by the grace of God on my YouTube channel. This is one thing I wish I knew in my 20s: How to love and care for me, Sophia Cameil Terrelonge. As a teenager, I struggled to accept myself: my body, my hair, and my introverted nature. It also didn’t help that I was teased a lot in high school for being strange and “old-womanish”. I am an old soul, as I was never care-free and living on a whim even in my younger years.
I also felt like I needed to accomplish great things to be worthy of love. My mother never withheld her love from me. Although she was a single parent, she loved me unconditionally. So, it wasn’t that I didn’t know love. The issue was that I couldn’t love me, unless I had many achievements under my belt. Therefore, I pursued academic prowess partly out of my desperation to escape poverty, and partly to feel good about myself. However, the Lord would upend my life in my early 30s just to show me that my worth comes from Him, what He thinks of me, and who He would have me become.
Now, I can say that I love me. I love Sophia Cameil Terrelonge. And I can only love her because of the unconditional love and mercy that Daddy Jesus continues to show me.
10. Let Your Light Shine!
Now let’s consider the final lesson among the things I wish I knew in my 20s. I used to fear that persons would think of me as a proud person when I used my talents and abilities. I tried to make myself a bit small, not stand out too much, and even hide myself. Why? I wanted to be accepted as “one of the group”. I didn’t want to make people hate me. Newsflash! Hey you! Hey! Haters will always hate! It doesn’t matter what you do!
As I progressed through my 20s, I began to care less about the opinions of others and more about what Jesus Christ thinks about me. I have learned how to tune out the noise of people’s voices and their ideas about my person and my life. I now live my life for the audience of The One: Jesus Christ. Everyone and everything else fades in comparison.
I’m all about living on purpose. This means that I live each day to accomplish the missions that my Father has set before me. I live to apply all of my God-given talents to fulfil my divinely-appointed vision. I firmly believe that:
You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
So, now I shine in the fullness of all that Jesus Christ has created me to be. I shine in spite of people and circumstances. I am fully committed to shining all the days of my life. Never be afraid to shine! Shine to the glory of Jesus Christ! Shine!
Wrapping Up: Things I Wish I Knew in My 20s
I have shared the top 10 things I wish I knew in my 20s. A few of them may have resonated with you – to God be the glory! It’s my earnest desire that you would come into the full knowledge of who you are in Christ Jesus. Life is precious, so live your life on divine purpose. I encourage you to live to accomplish the missions that Jesus Christ has for your life. Live to fulfil your divine vision in God’s Kingdom in the earth.
May Jesus’ blessings, peace, and wisdom be upon us all,
Sophia.
This is so deep! It ministered to me tremendously. You have just pictured my life. God bless you ma.
All glory to God! I thank you for your kind words and may Jesus Christ continue to bless and keep you as well.