We are at the end of this series! Woohoo! So, as a quick recap, we discussed breaking ungodly soul ties, purging our lives and spaces, clean thinking, dressing for success, and having pure interactions with others. Now, I want us to discuss how to be intentional with our relationships. For those of us who are still single (yet called to marriage), we must exercise diligence in this area. Let’s delve into all the interesting facets of this discussion!
Live Intentional: Know Yourself, Your Vision, and Your Missions
Although marriage is important, I believe that it is far more important to live intentional even while we are still single. In order for us to live in divine purpose, it is essential that we know who we are. Our identity is in Jesus Christ, as we are made in His image. Furthermore, each of us are here to complete a work that He has ordained for us.1
Once we are walking in our God-given identity, then we must sit at His feet to find out what His vision is for us. I have a unique, divinely-appointed vision, and so do you! It’s all a matter of setting aside the time and space to commune with Christ to discover the details of your vision. You and your loved ones may have ideas about your vision, and your gifts may also be an indication. However, you only have one life, so it’s best to get confirmation from the One who gave it to you: Jesus Christ. Ultimately, you will need to get the blueprint (or vision) for your life from Him, and no one else.
Your vision is the big picture view of your life’s purpose here on earth. It’s why you were born here and now. However, in order for your vision to materialize, there are a series of missions for you to complete to move you toward that end. These missions are time-bound, connected to certain places, and they often require specific relationships with others. Again, you must ask for, receive, and understand God’s instructions for you. You will need to know the “When”, “How”, and “Who” dimensions of each mission in order for it to be a success. You can only get those clear directions from Jesus Christ. So, you must be committed to living intentional and living your divine purpose while you are single.
Being Intentional With Your Relationships
All Relationships
There is the concept that you become like the persons with whom you engage on a regular basis. It’s the idea that birds of a feather flock together. Once you know who you are in Christ Jesus, your vision, and your missions, you will also begin to discern which relationships are good for you, and the ones that are bad for you. I am constantly evaluating all of my relationships. This means that I assess how each one adds to (or subtracts from) my process of living intentional and on purpose for Christ. I always make time to sit in silence just to hear from the Lord about various connections and to get His insights and His instructions about what to do next.
I conduct this in depth review for my relationships with family members, friends, associates, and acquaintances. No one and nothing escapes this analytical overview as I sit in God’s presence and receive His wisdom. We must realize that we are stewards or managers of God’s resources (which also includes our lives). So, just as in the parable of the talents, we must do all that is necessary to give Him a great return on His investment within each of us.2
Marriage as a Divine Mission
Marriage is one of the most important missions that we may be called to take on in this life. It is a serious matter, and should not be taken lightly. I have heard many renowned men and women of God state that after our salvation in Christ, marriage is next in order of importance. A good marriage is like heaven on earth; a bad marriage is like hell on earth (and may even lead to eternal damnation itself). We know the familiar scripture:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“I will dwell in them and walk among them.
I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”
The Importance of Being Equally Yoked
We all know that our prospective husband (or wife) must be a born-again and committed Christian. But, you can both be committed Christians, but you may still not be suitable as husband and wife. So, while having a common faith and belief system is the critical first step, there are other dimensions to consider. There must also be a successful combination of the divine purposes for each marital union to work:
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
Therefore, it’s also important that both parties know his/her own vision and missions from the Lord, before entering marriage. In fact, each party should be actively working towards his/her own divinely-appointed vision before dating and courtship.
Why all the fuss about knowing one’s own vision and missions? This is because marriage is not just for sexual and emotional satisfaction, and having cute, adorable children. Each marriage in Christendom is earmarked by God for a distinct purpose. Each godly family has its unique vision and missions that need to be accomplished by each member in that unit. Marriage is not just about man meets woman, they get married, have children, live in a big house with many cars, and they live happily ever after. Marriage is for the preservation and effectiveness of the Kingdom of God in evangelizing the world and impacting the society for Christ.
Eliminating Distractions to Focus on God’s Will for Your Life
Oh boy! Distractions abound when you’re a single! I am a 35 year old single lady, and persons have tried to force me to grab the first breathing, human male and get married. According to them, time is not on my side. However, I thank the Lord for the wisdom that He has given me. Yes, I may be getting older. But, that just means that I don’t have time to waste in a marriage that Jesus Himself did not approve. I do not have time to engage in “build-a-man” activities. If we do not have the same core values, and our visions do not coincide, then what can I do? Even the Bible says that the righteous can do nothing if there’s no foundation!3
I have decided that my destiny (including my marital story) is entirely in God’s hands. I refuse to be pressured into making hasty decisions about my life. Therefore, I will only take actions as I am expressly led by the Spirit of God (and not based on my wisdom or that of others).
Being Intentional and Focused
It’s vital that we are intentional as Christian singles. In addition to knowing and pursuing our divine purpose, we also need divine clarity regarding our prospective spouse. I used to be averse to creating a list of qualities that I desired in my husband. However, no more! I’ve had one case where the “committed Christian” requirement was met, but that was basically all there was! The great disparity in our other core values was disheartening, and this fact gave me no peace. I stuck in there a bit (under three months) until the Lord led me to create that list of qualities that I desired in my husband. Then, once that list was complete, Daddy Jesus gave me permission to formally end that connection. I obeyed the Lord, and my peace returned!
As singles, we must be focused. YOLO should never serve as a justification to engage in sinful activities. Rather, we should use it as motivation to live in divine purpose, to live fully and effectively as led by the Lord. So, for me, this means that I am intentional in all things, even in the areas of dating and courtship. I encourage us to say “No!” to random connections/situationships/relationships that are not leading to a godly, fruitful marriage. Taking this approach will save us from a lot of temptations, heartbreaks, disillusionment, and wasted time. So, let’s resolve to live in divine purpose in every area of our lives!
Live Intentional in All Your Seasons!
I want to encourage us to live intentional in all of our seasons: single, married, parent, student, professional, retired, etc. Regardless of the seasons of life in which we find ourselves, let’s complete our divine missions and accomplish the unique vision of Christ for each of us. I want to close with the following scriptures:
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Live intentional, and live on purpose. Live mission-focused and live your vision!
May Jesus’ blessings, peace, and wisdom be upon us all.
Sophia.