Should we shield children from the truth? We were told to keep negative issues like the threat of pedophiles, illness, and death from children. But, is this a good idea? Or should we share the truth with them on an age-appropriate basis? Let’s talk about raising resilient children who can discern and avoid danger, and also cope with difficult situations as they arise.
God Calls Children into His Service
I like to use biblical examples when in these discussions of family and child-rearing. Children have an important role in Christ’s Kingdom within the Earth. They represent the next generation of our shared Christian faith and the vanguard of holiness in an increasingly corrupt world. Now, let’s quickly consider some cases where God used children (and young people) in His service:
Case of Samuel
1 Samuel 1:1 to 2:11 outlines Samuel’s conception and birth. His mother Hannah had infertility problems. So she promised to give her firstborn son to the Lord. As a result, Samuel grew up in the temple under the tutelage of Eli, the chief priest of Israel.
However, Eli’s sons were evil and desecrated the temple of God. Eli knew of their activities and did nothing about it. He had raised entitled children, who didn’t reverence God or cared about the feelings of others.1 However, God called Samuel when he was still a child, at a time when He wasn’t speaking to anyone else. 2 Samuel was the one to whom God revealed what He was about to do to the house of Eli because of the rampant desecration they continued to do. Samuel grew in the prophetic anointing from childhood into adulthood. So, children’s gifts and callings can begin to manifest before they become adults.
Case of David
David was the shepherd boy, the proverbial runt of the litter, the lastborn, and the overlooked one. However, God sent the Samuel on a mission to anoint the new king of Israel to replace the disobedient Saul.
I am always moved by the fact that God looked past all the seven older sons of Jesse to select David. Although David was a teenager 3, Samuel commanded that no one sit down until David was brought in from the fields and into the room.4 Then before his father and brothers, Samuel anointed David as the next king of Israel.5
David soon became more than a deliverer of sheep from bears and lions. He killed the giant Goliath and led his countrymen into victory from the Philistines. From his teens to adulthood, David was a mighty warrior of God 6. He was willing to wait for the throne to come to him naturally 7 and he was called a man after God’s own heart8 Therefore, teens also have an important role to play in the Kingdom of God within the earth.
Case of Jeremiah
Jeremiah (the weeping prophet) received revelations about the impending destruction and annihilation of Israel by the Babylonians. He pleaded with Israel to repent of (or turn away from) their abominations of worshipping idols and ignoring God who had established their nation. Alas, it was to no avail. Israel was overrun, captured, and enslaved by the Babylon Empire.
It was hard for Jeremiah to emphasize the need for holiness in a corrupt, depraved society. At best they jeered at his pronouncements; as worst, they wanted to hurt him for the prophecies. In the book of Jeremiah, we see that:
Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.”Then said I:
“Ah, Lord God!
Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth.”But the Lord said to me:
“Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’
For you shall go to all to whom I send you,
And whatever I command you, you shall speak.
Do not be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver you,” says the Lord.Then the Lord put forth His hand and touched my mouth, and the Lord said to me:
“Behold, I have put My words in your mouth.
See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms,
To root out and to pull down, to destroy and to throw down,
To build and to plant.”
We must commit to raising resilient children who are unashamed of sharing Christ’s Gospel of salvation with everyone. The next generation has to be prepared to be isolated and misunderstood if that’s what it takes to advance the Kingdom of God. We are all warriors in God’s army: children and teenagers included.
How My Mother Raised Me to be Resilient
I was raised in a single-parent home from the age of 10. My mother was a domestic helper and she didn’t have many earthly possessions. Life was a struggle and money was always scarce for us.
However, what my mother had in abundance was wisdom. The Lord blessed her with immense foresight and understanding of the true nature of humans. I am happy that I inherited similar wisdom, foresight, and discernment from her.
My mother and I talked about anything and everything. She gave me details. No question was shunned. All was open. We spoke frankly about romantic relationships, sex, contraception methods, as well as the implications of teen pregnancy and early childbirth. All of these details served to further bolster my resolve not to engage in sexual activities like many of my peers did at the time.
The community of my youth also had an evil undertone: the rampant sexual violation of young ladies the moment we entered puberty. Sprouting breasts, widening hips, and protruding buttocks drew the eyes, voices, and even the hands of men (young, old, unmarried, and married). Getting raped (or gang-raped) was a clear and present danger. Getting seduced and then having your intimate details bandied about in ribald male conversations was a serious hazard.
Trust No One
Mommy taught me to trust no one – especially men. Everyone was suspect – even the men in my family. Incest was another major issue that was often hidden and shoved under the proverbial carpet. When everyone in my family refused to talk about some of these ills in our midst, not my Mommy! She would let me know all about who was suspected of violating young girls in our family and how I should conduct myself around them. My mother’s frankness saved me from many possible instances of sexual violations.
We would have mock conversations about what a young man (or any man) could say to pull me into a conversation and try to seduce me. I practiced my responses with her. We talked about the tricks men would employ to get me alone and how to avoid dangerous encounters. So, whenever men approached me, my mother’s words flowed from my lips – much to their confusion and dismay. Nothing was hidden from me and I always walked in the wisdom that surpassed my years.
The Reality of Illness and Death
Illness and death are two things that I was forced to deal with from an early age. The first funeral was my maternal grandmother when I was a toddler. I only have hazy memories of a crowded and noisy space (the church), and looking at a sea of white in a box (my grandmother’s body was dressed in white). I remember looking down at myself and noting that I was also wearing a frilly white dress. Also, I remember that Mommy held me in her arms near that box.
However, the finality of death dropped on my head right before my sixth birthday. My elder brother Leslie was brutally murdered in 1990 by “friends” who were jealous of him. I watched my mother receive the news of her second son’s death. I watched the grief that swelled around me and I cried along – but his death wasn’t real to me. It was only at his funeral when I saw his body in the coffin, that I knew that my dear brother was dead. It was there that all the grief poured out of me along, as I wailed along with his baby daughter and young step-daughter.
The sister whom I followed in birth order suffered a mysterious illness. This illness kept Susan bed-bound and covered in sores from head to toe. I learned to help care for her, and I watched her read the Bible every day in that bed. She was a quiet, loving, and beautiful teenager. My dear sister also died in the latter half of 1990. Since she died at home in Mommy’s arms, her death wasn’t such a shock for us. I loved her and I grieved a lot. But, I didn’t wail at her funeral, as her death wasn’t a sudden event. When I came to Christ at the age of 10, I would then acquire the biblical context to view my siblings’ deaths and the grieving process.
Help Children Grieve Appropriately
I think that if I was kept away from these realities, then it would have left me in a truncated state. Imagine seeing my siblings one moment and then their deaths were kept a secret (or I was lied to about their absence). Once I found out, I would have been furious at the adults for denying me the right to grieve my loved ones.
Although these were heart-wrenching events, I didn’t break. So please don’t hide the realities of illness and death from your children. Be honest and help them process their grief. Children are far more resilient than you think.
Raising Resilient Children is Our Responsibility
Our world is not the same as it was 20 or 50 years ago. We must equip our children with the requisite knowledge and skills. These will help them maintain their safety and also effectively process difficult situations.
Never hide anything from your children. They are naturally inquisitive so they will discover the truth anyway. Plus, you want to be the trusted authority and source of knowledge for your children. I’m sure you don’t want their peers and/or ill-intentioned adults teaching them!
I encourage us to freely share knowledge with our children from a biblical perspective. Help them to interpret that knowledge and to grow in wisdom from an early age. I’ll leave you with this scripture:
‘And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God,
That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh;
Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your young men shall see visions,
Your old men shall dream dreams.
And on My menservants and on My maidservants
I will pour out My Spirit in those days;
And they shall prophesy.
I will show wonders in heaven above
And signs in the earth beneath:
Blood and fire and vapor of smoke.
The sun shall be turned into darkness,
And the moon into blood,
Before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord.
And it shall come to pass
That whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.’
Jesus Christ has a divine mandate upon the life of each child. Therefore, you need to help them to discover and accomplish their God-ordained purpose. Raising resilient children is no longer a matter of opinion. It’s a requirement for all parents and caregivers; especially for those in Christendom.
May Jesus’ blessings, peace, and wisdom be upon us all.
Sophia.